Hello. My name is Kenny. To people who don't know me I'm a cute and fluffy kitty cat.
In my spare time I enjoy eating, sleeping and torturing border collies. Especially when I'm really pissed off. If my human is being rude and dares to give me my dinner late, I indiscriminately bash the closest one. I love the way that they scatter like frightened rabbits when they see me coming.
OH THE POWER!
Tonight my mean and nasty human has kicked my big fat furry butt off the lounge chair. She said something about her arm going to sleep. Damn useless woman. The lounge chair arm rest is my favourite spot in winter and you need a crow bar to detach my backside from it. Normally it's the only reason that I have anything to do with my human (unless she's giving me my dinner of course). But when it's cold I pretend I actually like her by snuggling up real close so I can leech as much body warmth from her as possible. I pretend that we're bonding. Humans are so stupid!
No problem. Didn't want to sit there anyway. My human has these lovely warm beds all over the house for me. The flea bags think they are for them but that just couldn't be possible. Everyone knows it's all about me. I'll have to whip out my special intimidation skills and drive the flea bags away.
Ha, the old brown one! He's normally off like a shot when he sees me coming.
What's going on!!!! The flea bags must fear me...
Well I'm definately not getting up there. The human calls that the "dogs" lounge. I call it the local slum. I can smell the big show-off flea bag from here. I could be on TV too if I wanted!
Blast, that young and annoying whipersnapper's not moving either. Why are my powers eluding me???
Fine. I'll let this one with the silly red pyjamas share with me. But I'm letting EVERYONE know that I'm not happy about this and I'm staying in the furthest possible corner in case I get flea bag germs!
Just wait evil flea bags. There will be retribution for this. Tomorrow, when it's not as cold and I'm not so desperate, you'd better RUN.